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20 juin 09 13:05

16 mai 09 12:32






Mylène Jampanoï is one of the hottest girls i have ever seen

26 oct 08 20:37



with every blink i extend my daily wishes, family, friends, strangers smiling at me. know of the ponds that grow gigantic fish, and where the switch is, from ten folded hours you get nine, from zen molded shower, you become divine. framed by your hands, my face turns away. this grace i don't deserve it, but i haven't said a word. is it free will, our gift? or is existence arranged in a certain place that noone can name. is it my choice? night breaks to dawn, makes itself known, life stirs outside, the insects purr along in the early air. low clouds tumble over across the earth, watching, gazing, can you really hear? do you hear waves breaking? do you even hear them? every crash and the sand it's taking, becoming strong. a reconnection with breath, reminding one to overcome, it's why we take the now and make it our own. check to see if we have grown. i'd like most of my qualities to remain and all the not so hot, engrained. motion of waves, distance between crests, frequencies remain constant. we focus, radiate in all directions, from the source spead out breathe deep and slow. rhythmic, up, foward, find your angle, find it. vibrations seem to quiver, emanating from situations, a sharing of imagination, rapid changes. i feel much lighter.

i miss lauren. i do admit that i feel this homesick/out of place feeling. i didn't like sleeping at ian's alone in that room when the past few weeks i was woken up by realizing i had slapped you in the face or hearing about your crazy dreams while i tell you how cold my feet are. "i don't think it is weird, after all i am the one who is able to control your craving of already-been chewed gum... so i'm sure it's a big deal when we go too long without seeing eachother..." i hate evil in your life!

12 oct 08 23:10


i feel like a few of my friends are changing. i understand people change, but these people are fucking going crazy and doing things that are REALLY unlike them/not good for them and i'm starting to distance myself. one of the main reasons is drugs, not that i have a problem with being around them believe me i can control myself, i just don't want to hear all the bullshit and witness it also. but putting aside all the things i read about a few people, i had a tremendously pleasant day today.



it was exciting yet very relaxing at the same time. the weather was beautiful, the sun was hot when standing still but walking while the leaves are blowing from the wind felt really refreshing. the day consisted of pumpkin picking, IKEA (first time i've ever been there), long drives, music, vegetables, tea... autumn. may not sound like much to you, but to me it was perfect. the car ride home was long, but i've never actually sat in the car with someone for two hours and been able to have an on-going conversation like that. there are short pauses but it is mostly to catch my breath. i am really glad that i met lauren, i'm really glad that i have that same kind of free spirited positive yet realistic mind around here, finally. the first time i even opened up to her about myself, and heard the things she said to me, i knew i made a wise decision in asking her to take a trip with me up north. a wise decision indeed.

"i don't know if i'm being insecure about my haircut or if i'm insane or if he's just a son of a bitch, but i REALLY can't take the way he looks at me anymore. it's like those dogs that know they can get away with anything so they shit all over the rug and try to act all affectonate.. so you will just forget about it, and the entire time they are just laughing at how pathetic you are. this is why i don't have a dog, i have a boyfriend. happy birthday, you are 22, now what?"

3 oct 08 15:29






 
 


 all the things that i relate to well, 
 like authors and painters 
 transparent paper wings 
 that float above me while i sleep 
 to make the room more natural 
 so we could die in it and die in it and die 
 the color after sunset 
 you'd do anything to jinx it, 
 it'll crush your sculpture just like a willow 
 he doesn't need a house 
 his shoes will walk for miles 
 there's a gypsies face maked on my pill 
 i want to be like water and slip into your throat 
 and make you feel alive and good 
 i want to be like water and never have a doubt and 
 reflect what is around my pool

29 sep 08 00:04


and my dreams they got so big my head sunk into my chest. i never thought i could injure myself by sitting still and staring straight ahead.

"and that pain in your chest would go away,
if you would only go to the movies."

concentrating on the mundane, the dead among us are not insane. i never thought it could be so easy to talk about nothing all day. and how about this weather? can you believe it?

"i know."

27 sep 08 10:58 - some things i do for money, some things i do for free



the clip that starts around 2:00 is my personaaaaal favorite. it's 11 in the morning and i feel so sick and drunk. i don't really remember the entire night last night, but i know it was such a good time. i drove to rutgers to meet up with ian, matt and eric, and our original plan was to go to the 'gay frat' because there was a party going on. we scratched that idea and went to meet up with kate and phil and her brother and a bunch of people from immaculata that were in my grade. the last time they all saw me was when i was really sick so... i guess my face looks the same but i was suprised that they all recognized me. we started to drink, and i know hard alcohol doesn't... handle right with me but i seemed to be pretty fine. well for a while at least... i love kate's brother, and his boyfriend is sooo cute i feel like dolls were made and painted after him he's just got this little perfect face and he's so tiny. a few girls from my school were catching up with me as i was beng lead to a huge shrine of marilyn monroe on this girl's bedroom wall. we left and went to another party. i peed so many times in all these bushes i'm surprised i didn't get caught. i also finally got my hair re-buzzed.. i'm a little uncomfortable because it's a lot shorter than last time. we went back to kate's house and that's the most i remember. well.. i remember a few things but i don't remember how i did them. i spent a good amount of time on the kitchen floor being fed bread managing to make it to kate's room.......

i love matt wollansky

24 sep 08 10:22





beautiful

(note the black and white boquet)

22 sep 08 10:29


i think... you aren't what you make everyone believe you are.


i'm sick of texting. i can only describe this weekend in one way. it felt like a vacation, but it was a vacation without even going anywhere, with the joy of friends and family still around. i'm starting to bond with jon, hopefully things can go back to the way they used to be. friday night was my dinner party at POD in philly, let me just tell you right now that we ordered so many carafes of sake. my mom didn't know this until she stopped to wonder why we were cheering these little tiny shot glasses every 5 minutes and chanting HAVE SOME RESPECT. maybe it was chelsea taking pictures under the table? who knows. the bill was $1300 but everyone (and i mean everyone) was overly satisfied with the way the dinner went, even though chelsea had a horrible shoe night. saturday was jon and shilpa's engagement dinner, which was again more food more family. this is a different side of the family, but i guess out family didn't really matter at all since shilpa's family had four fucking tables and we only had two. shilpa's grandmother had to be the smallest woman i had ever seen and she didn't speak much english which was sooo precious. i met shilpa's mother, which was really awkward. everyone was wondering who the blonde girl with the short dress and tattoos was, and i think they were HOPING they wouldn't be related to me. sunday was joelle's wedding which was pretty neat. she looked beautiful, amazing, and joey got sooooooo handsome (i haven't seen joey since he was 15 and he is 22). we arrived a little late and aunt bobby and al started walking to take a seat and everyone's shouting "no no don't come she's coming down the aisle now! shoo!". story of the night, more pictures soon.




all the best people have bad chests and bone diseases

( it's all frightfully romantic.. )

17 sep 08 21:46




".. but i've come such a long way, it's hard to even look at myself and how i was then"

( one of the best things you've said to me )
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